Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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