i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
