My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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