When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
