You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
