I puked a lego.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
