drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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