the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
