I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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