nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
