I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
