My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my liver is dry heaving
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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