i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
