So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
