There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
