i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
