ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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