My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
