So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
