Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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