The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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