Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
