I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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