Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
