well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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