i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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