The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
