She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
