I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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