yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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