Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
