she peed on how many people?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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