I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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