My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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