Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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