We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
