I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
