woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
