Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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