I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize