Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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