i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
