why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
