Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
FUCK WHALES
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