watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
