a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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