party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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