if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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