I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
