his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
