That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
