drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
