just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I will pee on everything he values.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
