1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize