Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
