I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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