If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
