I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
