I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
