What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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