Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
