Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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