If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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