Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
