they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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