I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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