I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
