with your own penis?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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