if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
