Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
