8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
