I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
