before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
